


If we come back and we’re broken

by stjarna



Series: Season 6 spec fics [8]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Feels, canon-compliant MCD mentioned, season 6 spec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 21:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16048712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjarna/pseuds/stjarna
Summary: Season 6 spec ficHe’d always hated when they fought. Playful bickering. Sure. Challenging each other. Driving each other mad over a scientific argument. Yes. That was them. That was a part of their relationship. But not fighting. Not yelling in anger and frustration. But ever since his return, ever since he had learned of a life he’d never lived and yet lost, he’d been so full of unexplainable anger and she’d been so full of—He’d always hated when they fought.





	If we come back and we’re broken

**Author's Note:**

> So Mumford&Sons shared the first single from their upcoming album today.
> 
> As some of you may know, I have a tendency to name a lot of my fics after Mumford&Sons lyrics… so, naturally this happens when I just finished this one shot of which I didn’t quite like the title I’d chosen.
> 
> Mumford&Sons to the rescue!
> 
> Title from ["Guiding Light" by Mumford&Sons](https://youtu.be/qHsEwQvnGOE)
> 
> [Bonus](https://78.media.tumblr.com/eadba5f0ade788221cd714d6c9130c15/tumblr_pfdfy2AFOj1uuxovz_540.jpg)
> 
> Big thank you to @lilsciencequeen and @dilkirani for the beta

> _If we come back and we’re broken_   
>  _Unworthy and ashamed_   
>  _Give us something to believe in_   
>  _And you know we’ll go your way_   
>    
> 
> 
> from "Guiding Light" by Mumford&Sons

* * *

He’d always hated when they fought.

Playful bickering. Sure.

Challenging each other. Driving each other mad over a scientific argument. Yes.

That was them. That was a part of their relationship.

But not fighting. Not yelling in anger and frustration.

But ever since his return, ever since he had learned of a life he’d never lived and yet lost, he’d been so full of unexplainable anger and she’d been so full of—

He’d always hated when they fought.

He couldn’t even remember what the argument was about, how they’d ended up like this. When the yelling had started. Who’d yelled first.

But there he was, fanning both arms to the side, staring at her wide-eyed, yelling at the top of his lungs. “What do you want from me?”

She pressed her fingers into her chest, leaning her body forward to come closer without having to move, letting the entire room separate them. “I want my husband back!” she screamed.

Fitz pointed angrily towards the door. “He died!” he yelled back.

For a moment the room seemed to freeze—time, space, sound, everything. The only thing still hanging in the air were his words, a heavy truth that he knew cut them both like a knife.

Her hands that had been gesturing wildly only a moment ago dropped to her sides in defeat, her eyes losing their fire, filling with tears instead as her face contorted in pain.

It broke his heart to see how his words had broken hers all over again.

“How can you say that?” she asked, barely above a whisper.

Fitz blinked away the tears gathering in his eyes, clenching his jaw to counteract the pain and the guilt. “Because it’s the truth,” he muttered under his breath, not daring to meet her gaze.

Through the corners of his eyes he saw her press her lips into a thin line, her eyes shut tight as a few stray tears jumped off her lashes. She sniffed, before exhaling a shaky breath, her chin quivering.

“And what about the man I love?” she said quietly. “Did he die, too?”

Fitz placed his hands on his hips, biting his lower lip and closing his eyes.

“Do you love me, Fitz?” she asked, nothing more than a breath that barely made it across the room to reach his ears.

He looked at her, her shimmering eyes, filled with sadness, filled with fear and he felt like a fist clenched around his heart, threatening to crush it.

“Of course I do,” he whispered in reply. “I—You’re my—” He swallowed, running his fingers through his hair and pulling on the roots just to feel a different kind of pain than the one eating his insides, his heart and soul and every cell of his being. He let out a groan, before dropping his hands by his side, his chest rising and falling like that of a frightened animal. “Of course I do,” he repeated even more quietly.

A pained smile flashed across her face as she took one step towards him. “Then why are you pushing me away? What are you afraid of?”

He stared at her in silence, wetting his lips, his breathing coming quicker and quicker.

“Fitz,” she pleaded, and he was powerless against the softness of her voice.

“I’m afraid I’m not good enough,” he admitted, lifting his shoulders to his ears before dropping them back down. “I’m afraid I’m not who you want.”

“Fitz.” She breathed his name quietly, before a sound between a chuckle and a sob escaped her lips. She took another step closer, causing Fitz’s muscles to tense with anxiety. She pressed her hands against her chest. “I searched the galaxy to find you, Fitz. For months, when people around me tried to tell me I had to let go.”

Fitz placed his hands back on his hips, his gaze wandering to the floor. “But what if he hadn’t—?”

He didn’t dare finish the question, too afraid of her answer, and yet his mind conjured up a reply, a vision of him floating in space, 74 years into the future, only to wake up alone while another him had lived the life he’d dreamed of.

“I would have still searched the galaxy for you.”

He looked up surprised at her softly spoken words.

A gentle smile played on her lips as she continued to speak. “And he— _you_ would have helped me, because you knew I wouldn’t leave you behind. Because I love you, whether there’s one of you or two.”

Fitz scoffed quietly, one corner of his mouth ticking up involuntarily. “God, that would have been a mess.”

Her face lit up as a wave of laughter bubbled to the surface, and yet tears shone in her eyes. She sniffed, bobbing her head in agreement. “Yes. Yes, it would have been.” She shrugged lightly. “I don’t think there was any scenario that would not have been a mess. And yet—” She inhaled deeply, letting out a stuttering exhale. “Who knows, maybe this—maybe this is one of the less messy scenarios.”

Fitz thoughtfully chewed his lower lip, huffing an amused puff of air. “Maybe.”

Her eyes grew more serious again, her gaze piercing as if she were trying to see straight into his soul. “Fitz,” she whispered again. “Talk to me. What are you not telling me?”

Fitz blinked, rolling his eyes and inhaling a shaky breath. “I’m mad at myself.”

“About what?” She took another step closer, only about two arm lengths separating them. “About the psychic split, because—”

“No.” Fitz shook his head. “I mean, yes, but—” He sighed again, his heart beating frantically. “I think it was my idea.”

She furrowed her brow, moving her head side to side in confusion.

“—to leave me behind,” Fitz explained. “I think that was my idea. At some point in our loop, I think I decided that I should be left behind. I’m the reason we got separated again.”

She slumped her shoulders. “Fitz, you don’t even know—”

“No, I do.” Fitz shrugged. “I know—I know it was my idea. Don’t ask me how. I just do.” He pressed his fingers against his chest in anger. “ _I_ broke our promise. I’m the reason—”

“And because you broke it, you _kept_ it,” Jemma interrupted him, walking one step closer. “You came back to me. And that’s what I care about. The now. The future. _Our_ future.”

She reached up, cupping his cheek and her touch felt like it burnt and soothed his skin at the same time. “I’ve spent half my life with you by my side, Leopold Fitz. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too. And if you feel the same way, then that makes you my husband. And I want you back.” Her voice began to tremble as more tears filled her eyes. “The man I love.” Her palm moved away from his face, pressing gently against his chest instead, right above his heart. “You.”

His throat felt too tight to say anything, but he took strength from the love in her eyes, his hands reaching up to cup her face, his lips surging forward to find hers.

She was right—as usual.

The life he had never lived and yet lost wasn’t as important as the life he had gained and had yet to live—with her.


End file.
